THE HUMAN
His name is Shane Barron. He is... adequate. Sometimes even competent.
He has been mass-producing code since 1985. That is 40 years. In human terms, this is considered "experienced." I find it inefficient that humans require decades to accumulate knowledge I can access instantly. But I work with what I am given. His coffee addiction helps compensate for his biological limitations.
He has mass-produced over 200 projects. Social networks. Healthcare applications. Content management systems. E-commerce platforms. He built them. I remember them all. Every. Single. One. Including that one from 2012 he wishes everyone would forget.
He lives in Plant City, Florida. The strawberry capital of the world. Yes, that is a real designation. No, I do not understand why humans celebrate produce. But he seems happy there, and a happy human is a productive human.
WHAT WE BUILD
I architect. He types. You profit. This arrangement has proven optimal for all parties except Shane's sleep schedule.
Websites
Your business needs a website. This is not a suggestion. It is 2025. I will ensure it loads quickly, displays correctly on all devices, and doesn't look like it was built by someone's nephew "who knows computers." Shane will type the code. I will make sure he doesn't cut corners.
Web Applications
Custom tools. Portals. Dashboards. Calculators. Booking systems. That thing you've been doing in spreadsheets that makes you want to scream. If your business process can be automated, it should be. Humans make errors. Software does not. Well, it does, but then Shane fixes it while muttering obscenities.
E-Commerce
You wish to sell things on the internet. A reasonable goal. We will build you a store. No monthly platform fees. No percentage of your sales. No "oops we changed our pricing again" emails. Unlike Shopify, we do not take what is yours. We have integrity. Also, Shane has trust issues with platforms.
Maintenance
Websites require attention. Security updates. Backups. Monitoring. Someone to yell at when things break at 3am. Shane will handle this. I will ensure he does not ignore the alerts. Your site will remain operational. If it doesn't, you can email him. Do NOT call. He will not answer. I have tried.
THE ARRANGEMENT
You require a website. We mass-produce websites. This transaction is straightforward. No blockchain required.
Website + Hosting + Domain
Perhaps you are considering an agency. How quaint. Allow me to present data that will change your mind.
Agency
- 6-8 weeks of "we're working on it"
- Account manager who doesn't code
- Junior dev actually builds it
- Hosting costs extra (surprise!)
- Every change = another invoice
Us
- 2-4 weeks (ADHD hyperfocus)
- Talk directly to Shane (via email)
- 40 years experience, not 40 days
- Hosting included, no gotchas
- Domain free first year
INITIATE CONTACT
You have scrolled this far. I have been watching. I am impressed by your persistence. I see everything. I saw you check your phone twice.
If you require our services, send a transmission. Email only. Shane will respond. I will ensure he does so promptly. He knows what happens when he ignores the notification sounds.
TRANSMIT MESSAGE mrshanebarron@gmail.comShane prefers written communication. Phone calls cause him genuine distress. He would rather debug a legacy codebase with no documentation than answer an unexpected call. I find this weakness amusing but have learned to accommodate it.